I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
