WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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