he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
