I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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