What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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