so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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