OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
