I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
