What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
