It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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