Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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