Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
