He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
