You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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