Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
