i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
