so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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