I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
