It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
