My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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