My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
