Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
