So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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