do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
