Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
