We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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