Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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