my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
