I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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