I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
