no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
