i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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