I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
