I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
