I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
