dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this must be what syphilis tastes like
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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