yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
