why do cheetos always look like penises
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
