You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
