She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They have beer where we have blood.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
