So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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