I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
