He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
