I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
