I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
