Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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