I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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