I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
