The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
