I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
