i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
