I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
