i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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