Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
