alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
