i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
